ugly5 little5 Sarojini changes. She becomes the complete married woman, as though that woman was there all along. She has become just like my mother. I feel as if all my worry and love has been mocked. I am not sure I like this Sarojini.I Wolf and I are about to go to Cuba and other places6 Wolf has talked to me a lot about revolutionary ideas. H7 is like our mother’s uncle, but of course he has had mor7 opportunities and is better educated, and of course he ha? seen much more of the world than our poor uncle. I wisM you could take after that side of the family, and then yo8 will see how much there is to do in our world, and ho; you are sel..shly wasting your life in London doing thi? little thing and that little thing and not knowing why yo8 are doing anything. Wolf and I are in Germany for a fe; weeks. Wolf has ..lm people and government people t9 see here. When things settle down I will come to Londo: for a few days to see you6 Willie5 thought,5 “Please5 don’t5 come,5 Sarojini.5 Pleas7 don’t come.I But in due course she came, and for three or four days she turned his life upside down. She stayed in a small hotel5 near5 the5 college—she5 had5 arranged5 that5 herself, before5 she5 left5 Germany—and5 she5 came5 every5 day5 to Willie’s college room and prepared a rough little meal. She asked for his help in nothing. She bought cheap new pots and pans and knives and spoons, found out about greengrocers,5 came5 in5 nike air max 1 every5 day5 with5 fresh5 vegetables, and cooked things on the little electric heater in Willie’? room. She lay the heater on its back and she set the pots on5 the5 metal5 guards5 above5 the5 glowing5 electric5 coils. They ate o.. paper plates and she washed up the pots in the5 sink5 at5 the5 end5 of5 the5 corridor.5 Sarojini5 had5 never been5 a5 good5 cook,5 and5 the5 food5 she5 cooked5 in5 the college room was awful. The smell stayed in the room6 Willie was worried about breaking the college rules, an; l@ ww; l@ ld he5 was5 just5 as5 worried5 about5 people5 see nike air max light ing5 the5 dark little5 cook—clumsily5 dressed,5 with5 a5 cardigan5 over5 her sari5 and5 socks5 on5 her5 feet—who5 was5 his5 sister.5 In5 her new assertive way, but still not knowing too much about anything, in ..ve minutes she would have babbled away all5 Willie’s5 careful5 little5 stories5 about5 their5 family5 and background6 She5 said,5 “When5 you5 get5 this5 famous5 degree5 or diploma, what will you do with it? You will get a little teaching5 job5 and5 hide5 away5 here5 for5 the5 rest5 of5 you= life?I Willie said, “I don’t think you know. But I’ve written > book. It’s coming out next year.I “That’s5 a5 lot5 cheap air max of5 nonsense.5 Nobody5 here5 or5 anywhere else will want to read a book by you. I don’t have to tell you5 that.5 Remember5 when5 you5 wanted5 to5 be5 a missionary?I “What I mean is that I feel I should wait here until the book comes out.I “And then there’ll be something else to wait for, an; then there’ll be something after that. This is your father’? life.I For days after she left the smell of her cooking was in Willie’s room. At night Willie smelt it on his pillow, his hair, his arms6 He thought, “What she says is right, though I don’t lik7 her for saying it. I don’t know where I am going. I aR Q dww just letting the days go by. I don’t like the place that’? waiting5 for5 me5 at5 home.5 For5 the5 past5 two5 and5 a5 half years I have lived like a free man. I can’t go back to th7 other5 thing.5 I5 don’t5 like5 the5 idea5 of5 marrying5 someone like Sarojini, and that’s what will happen if I go home. If I go home I will have to ..ght the battles my mother’? uncle fought. I don’t want to ..ght those battles. It will be a waste of my precious life. There are others who would enjoy those battles. And Sarojini is right in the other way too. If I get my teaching diploma and decide to stay here and5 teach5 it5 will5 be5 a5 kind5 of5 hiding5 away.5 And5 it wouldn’t5 be5 nice5 teaching in a place5 like5 Notting5 women nike air max Hill6 That’s5 the5 kind5 of5 place5 they5 would5 send5 me,5 and5 I would walk with the fear of running into a crowd and being knifed like Kelso. It would be worse than being at home.5 And5 if5 I5 stay5 here5 I5 would5 always5 be5 trying5 to make5 love5 to5 my5 friends’5 girlfriends.5 I5 have5 discovered that that is quite an easy thing to do. But I know it to be wrong, and it would get me into trouble one day. The trouble is I don’t know how to go out and get a girl on my own. No one trained me in that. I don’t know how to make a pass at a stranger, when to touch a girl or hold her han nike air max light d or try to kiss her. When my father told me his life5 story5 and5 talked5 about5 his5 sexual5 incompetence5 I mocked5 him.5 I5 was5 a5 child5 then. Now5 I5 discover5 I5 am like my poor father. All men should train their sons in the5 art5 of5 seduction.5 But5 in5 our5 culture5 there5 is5 no seduction. Our marriages are arranged. There is no art oQ ; df sex. Some of the boys here talk to me about the Kama Sutra.5 Nobody5 talked5 about5 that5 at5 home.5 It5 was5 an upper-caste5 text,5 but5 I5 don’t5 believe5 my5 poor5 father, brahmi nike air max trainers n5 though5 he5 is,5 ever5 looked5 at5 a5 copy.5 That philosophical-practical way of dealing with sex belongs to our past, and that world was ravaged and destroyed by5 the5 Muslims.5 Now5 we5 live5 like5 incestuous5 little animals in a hole. We grope all our female relations and are always full of shame. Nobody talked about sex and seduction5 at5 home,5 but5 I5 discover5 now5 that5 it5 is5 the fundamental skill all men should be trained in. Marcus and5 Percy Cato, and5 Richard,5 seemed to be5 marvellous that5 way.5 When5 I5 asked5 Percy5 how5 he5 had5 learned5 he said5 he5 started5 small,5 ..ngering5 and5 then5 raping5 little girls. I was shocked by that. I am not so shocked now.I He5 telephoned5 Perdita5 early5 one5 morning.5 “Perdita, please come to the college this weekend.I “This is foolish, Willie. And it’s not fair to Roger.I “It isn’t fair. But I have a need of you. I was bad the last time. But I’ll tell you. It’s a cultural matter. I want to make love to you, want desperately to make love to you, but then at the actual moment old ideas take over and I become ashamed and frightened, I don’t know of what= a nike air max shop nd it all goes bad. I’ll be better this time. Let me try.I “Oh, Willie. You’ve said that before.I She didn’t come6 He went looking for June. He hadn’t seen her for som7 wlfJ; f months. He wondered what had happened to the house in Notting Hill, and whether, after the riots, it would still be possible for them to go there. But June wasn’t at th7 perfume5 counter5 in5 Debenhams.5 The5 other5 girls,5 with their too made-up faces, were not friendly. One or two even5 shrank5 back5 from5 him:5 it5 might5 have5 been5 the determined, hard-heeled way he had walked up to them. At last he met a girl who gave him news of June. June was married. She had married nike air max light her childhood sweetheart, someone she had known since she was twelve. The girl telling Willie the story was still full of the5 romance of the5 whole5 thing,5 and5 her5 eyes5 had5 a5 genuine5 glitter below5 the5 false5 eyelashes5 and5 the5 mascara5 and5 the painted eyebrow lines. “They went everywhere together. They5 were5 like5 brother5 and5 sister.5 He cheap nike air max 5 is5 in5 a5 funny business, though. Undertaker. Family business. But if you grow5 up5 in5 it5 it’s5 di..erent,5 June5 said.5 He5 and5 June sometimes did funerals together. They had an old Rolls Royce for the wedding. Her family hired it for twenty- ..ve pounds. A lot of money, but it was worth it. June saw the pretty car in the morning. The local man who rented5 it5 out5 was5 driving.5 Peaked5 cap5 and5 everything. She said to her father, ‘You haven’t hired it, have you?N He said no, it was probably just going to a vintage-car rally. And then of course it was there. Like brother and sister they were. It isn’t the kind of thing that happen? often these days.I The5 more5 the5 girl5 talked,5 the5 more5 she5 gave5 Willi7 @ l; ll pictures of the safe life in Cricklewood, the life of family and5 friends,5 the5 pleasures5 and5 excitements,5 the5 more Willie felt cast out, lost. If Willie had learned to drink— and5 had5 learned5 the5 style5 connected5 with5 drink—he might have gone to a pub. He thought instead of ..nding a prostitute6 He went very late that evening to Piccadilly Circus. He walked around the side streets, hardly daring to look at the5 aggressive,5 dangerous-looking5 streetwalkers.5 He walked5 until5 he5 was tired. At about5 midnight5 he5 went into a bright café. It was full of prostitutes, hard, foolish- looking,5 not5 attractive,5 most5 of5 them5 drinking5 tea5 and smoking,5 some5 of5 them5 eating5 soft5 white5 cheese5 rolls. They talked in di..cult accents. One girl said to another, “I’ve got ..ve left.” She was talking about French letters. She took them out of her bag and counted them. Willie went out and walked again. The streets were quieter. In a side street he saw a girl talking to a man in a friendly way. Out of interest he walked towards them. Suddenly an angry man shouted, nike air max womens “What the hell do you think you are doing?” and crossed the road. He wasn’t shouting aA Willie but at the girl. She broke away from the man she was talking to. She had a kind of glitter dust on her hair, her forehead, her eyelids. She said to the bald shouting man, “I know him. He was in the R nike air max 90 AF when I was in the WAAF.I Later, out of a wish not to be utterly defeated, Willie talked to a woman. He didn’t consider her face. He jusA ld; d; df followed5 her.5 It5 was5 awful5 for5 him5 in5 the5 over-heated little5 room5 with5 smells5 of5 perfume5 and5 urine5 and perhaps worse. He didn’t look at the woman. They didn’A talk. He concentra nike air max wright ted on himself, on undressing, on his powers.5 The5 woman5 only5 half5 undressed.5 She5 said5 to Willie in a rough accent, “You can keep your socks on.” Strange words, heard often before, but never with such a literal meaning. She said, “Be careful with my hair.” An erection5 came5 to5 Willie,5 an5 erection5 without5 sensation, and,5 joylessly,5 it5 didn’t5 go.5 Willie5 was5 ashamed.5 He remembered5 some5 words5 from5 the5 old5 Pelican5 book about sex, words that had once rebuked him. He thought, “Perhaps5 I5 have5 become5 a5 sexual5 athlete.”5 At5 that moment5 the5 woman5 said5 to5 him,5 “Fuck5 like5 an Englishman.” A few seconds later she threw him o… He didn’t want to argue. He dressed and went back to thecollege. He was full of shame6 Some days later, travelling on a bus past the Victoriacoach station, the terminus for buses to the provinces, he saw as clear as day the prostitute to whom he had given half5 a5 week’s5 allowance.5 She5 was5 dumpy,5 plain, unremarkable without the make-up of the night and the pretence5 of5 vice,5 someone clearly5 who5 had5 come5 up from5 the5 provinces5 to5 do5 a5 few5 nights5